FAO Mr Lapping

Boss,

Sorry, there was a message for you at the office but I forgot to pass it on before you left.

Was something along the lines of "Sell! Sell! Sell! Quick! Before the markets close!!!"

Chap sounded quite agitated... Probably nothing, but thought I'd pass it on anyway. See you at the office tomorrow.

Assistant Ibo

Lads,

Pains me to say it, but he's lost the bloody lot Turns out my unilateral decision to invest all his life savings in Straits of Hormuz Shipping Ltd wasn't the smart move I thought it was The news is all the more painful given that Mr Lapping had almost finished saved up enough to finally buy the club!

But its not all dooms and glooms. Spoke to him this morning and he said he is looking forward to a the Universal Credits life of luxury he's read so much about in his papers of choice.

Auction of his trinkets to follow...

As John Cooper Clarke has just noted on Desert Island Discs..

‘If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem’

Think about it

Laffy wrote: As John Cooper Clarke has just noted on Desert Island Discs..

‘If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem’

Think about it

You should try some of the luxury he is taking to his island as you’re a Conservative

So is Carlisle last time I looked-you are in the minority.Have a look at what Labour have done for Carlisle in the last 30 years!!

What's going to happen to the tapir sanctuary Ibo', please tell me it's still safe?

Tapirs - sold
Tapir grooming bay - sold
Frankincense - sold
Myrrh - sold
Diamond encrusted blunderbuss - sold
The very best pro-Thatcherite quotes of John Cooper Clarke (vol. 1, 2 and 3) - sold
Really posh yacht - sold
Bronze Bully Trophy - sold
George Oghani’s ironing board - sold
Moat- sold
Chaka Demus and Pliers gold record - sold
Holy Thorn Reliquary - sold
Garmin hat - NOT SOLD!

Never let it be said that Official Receivers do not have a heart of gold. They let him keep the iconic hat. Top work lads

Looks like EBay for the collection of Garmin hats then-lock the doors and start the bidding

Ibogaine wrote: Tapirs - sold
Tapir grooming bay - sold
Frankincense - sold
Myrrh - sold
Diamond encrusted blunderbuss - sold
The very best pro-Thatcherite quotes of John Cooper Clarke (vol. 1, 2 and 3) - sold
Really posh yacht - sold
Bronze Bully Trophy - sold
George Oghani’s ironing board - sold
Moat- sold
Chaka Demus and Pliers gold record - sold
Holy Thorn Reliquary - sold
Garmin hat - NOT SOLD!

Never let it be said that Official Receivers do not have a heart of gold. They let him keep the iconic hat. Top work lads

Few of you have been sending over messages of concern about Lappz.

Can confirm: no need for any concern. The Universal Credit application is in and to celebrate we've been down LazerQuest with the Ladysmith Black Mambazo lads :cool:

Great time had by all

Had a good singalong afterwards too



Baba baba wami (umm-hmmm)

Tune!

I'm pleased he kept the hat, he wouldn't be the same without it.

Been down the old food bank for the first time today lads (UniCreds app is taking flippin ages). Turns out they have nowt but shite down there. No quails eggs! No grouse fillets! No Chow Mein Flavour Pot Noodles! Asked if they had owt special round the back for former wealth creators but no! Joke.

Decided to hold a impromptu food bank donation before the Crawley game in that alley usually full of dogshit. PREMIUM FOODS ONLY please. *****Waitrose essentials minimum standard****

Had a word with the Altern8 lads who felt that such treatment was so inappropri8 and unfortun8 that they were motiv8td to help out and will be joining us..

Hopefully see you all Saturday

Ibogaine wrote: Been down the old food bank for the first time today lads (UniCreds app is taking flippin ages). Turns out they have nowt but shite down there. No quails eggs! No grouse fillets! No Chow Mein Flavour Pot Noodles! Asked if they had owt special round the back for former wealth creators but no! Joke.

Decided to hold a impromptu food bank donation before the Crawley game in that alley usually full of dogshit. PREMIUM FOODS ONLY please. *****Waitrose essentials minimum standard****

Had a word with the Altern8 lads who felt that such treatment was so inappropri8 and unfortun8 that they were motiv8td to help out and will be joining us..

Hopefully see you all Saturday

Fantastic!

Whoa. Who the hell likes Chow Mein Pot noodles?

High Street wrote: Whoa. Who the hell likes Chow Mein Pot noodles?

That would make a cracking thread on its own, including a vote....

(Chicken And Mushroom would win)

Bleurgh. They’re the dried sperm of Satan.

Possibly the Peri Peri ones I imagine.

Bombay Bad Boy is very nice though.

CCU wrote: Hopefully the team can run out to this on Sat...

That would be fantastic in my opinion, but no way the horseman would allow it given their openly pro-lapping stance. Also not sure if it would find favour with the famously discerning Avant-Garde tastes of the Paddock.

My choice for a real crowd pleaser would be Musique Non-Stop. Just imagine the atmosphere building as the Paddock belt out the Boing Boom Tschaks and the WRE chip in with the Pengs and Zongs



No way the shortsighted horsemen would ever go for it though

Ibogaine wrote:

CCU wrote: Hopefully the team can run out to this on Sat...

That would be fantastic in my opinion, but no way the horseman would allow it given their openly pro-lapping stance. Also not sure if it would find favour with the famously discerning Avant-Garde tastes of the Paddock.

My choice for a real crowd pleaser would be Musique Non-Stop. Just imagine the atmosphere building as the Paddock belt out the Boing Boom Tschaks and the WRE chip in with the Pengs and Zongs

No way the shortsighted horsemen would ever go for it though

Ffs

I hope they don't ever play any of that sh8 at BP but they really need to be banging out Bob Marley's Three Little Birds from the first game as it would definitely be appropriate.

It was going to be Shadowplay by Joy Division coming out with something a bit more reflective at hometime depending on the result.Maybe Heaven by the Cure for a win

A few people have been on asking if Sir L will miss today's game due to his recent penury

I can neither confirm or deny if Sir L is in attendance...

But the eagled-eyed amongst you might want to take a closer look at this photo, just taken, of Kay Jay from Jambroquay and his latest custom built big hat



Up the Blues!

Bloody Hell...Peps in the crowd too. Must be targeting a multi-billion pound centre forward!!

There was a guy in front of us in the stand wearing a woolly hat-too hot mate!!

Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?

I’m thinking of giving the Trust my last £750k to take a stake in the Club, bankrupting my estate, and making sure by doing so that the Club is stuck in a never ending holding pattern-that will be my legacy.

Why was the paddock at the Warwick Road end out of action?Seemed odd that everyone was crammed into the middle on a hot day.

Roof works I think.....cheaper than issuing 500 hard hats...just a thought

Made for a better sing song in the Paddock.

seesaw50 wrote: Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?

Fake news Im afraid.

The two of them have had a major beef going on for years now, due to our man favouring Hawick tweed over Eubo's beloved Harris.

I’m a Dubarry man old boy

Ibogaine wrote:

seesaw50 wrote: Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?

Fake news Im afraid.

The two of them have had a major beef going on for years now, due to our man favouring Hawick tweed over Eubo's beloved Harris.

I did think it was far fetched.... how would Sir Lapping even know where to contact the fighting man....he could be anywhere....but he does have contacts in high places it seems from his pretty regular name dropping on this platform.

Laffy wrote: I’m a Dubarry man old boy

That's a bit Irish !!

I find it avoids chaffing

Lovely scenes after yesterday's game.

Nice to see that our overlords are not just excellent football club administrators but are also all round bloody good guys

Bygones are officially bygones. And now not even Stevey P can say you don't have a pot...

George Oghani shagged your wife.
Classic.

Lads,

Just received some shocking.

Kenny Toal got in touch to say that he’d heard that Lord Lapp has had to sell his hat at auction! And it was in such a state that all he got for it was £1!

More to follow...

Not me-I left the country yesterday and now in Pune in India.I have to say it makes you appreciate what you have when you see the way of life over here.

Its a HOLY MIRACLE!

Once our footballing betters heard about Lappo's hat sale windfall they immediately got on the next plane out.

Turns out that, as Mr L (a) had a quid and (b) was not able to invest a penny more HE NOW MEETS THE FIT AND PROPER CUSTODIAN TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!



All signed and sealed. He's now part of the DREAM TEAM and a club owner at last! A lifetime ambition finally realised

WELL DONE BOSS! If only you'd done it this way first time around it would've saved a lot of silly bother....

Ibo

No chance of buying something that wasn't for sale really.

My view is that even if even if Laffy had offered double up front then they would have still pulled out as they had got a bit of football fortune and they believed that KC could have taken us up the leagues.

I sound like David Holdsworth now - because of Keith Curle we didn't get promoted, bombed Laffy off and invented a Billionaire as we put all our eggs in one basket.

Booooo…...

Oioi

Laffy wrote: It was going to be Shadowplay by Joy Division coming out with something a bit more reflective at hometime depending on the result.Maybe Heaven by the Cure for a win

Steps up in an attempt to display his musical knowledge, and gets the name of the song wrong, for the loss.

What. A. Shan.

As I said, having every word over is just grief.I can see why the Custodians are so shy and reserved

Laffy wrote: Not me-I left the country yesterday and now in Pune in India.I have to say it makes you appreciate what you have when you see the way of life over here.

Do you pay for all your employees to travel around as much as you do Laffy? You say you support profit sharing schemes but if you can afford a lifestyle that most of your staff can't, are they really getting a fair share of the profits?

You seriously don’t believe that question Kessler.

I’m in India with our CTO and CEO to open up an Indian market for the group-not on a beach in Goa!

Laffy, I see you've taken some Cumbrian weather with you to Pune. They reckon the river could burst its banks in the next couple of days with the monsoon rains. Have fun!

Laffy wrote: You seriously don’t believe that question Kessler.

I’m in India with our CTO and CEO to open up an Indian market for the group-not on a beach in Goa!

Ok. But in general do all your employees get roughly the same amount of money that you do? It's just that you claim to support profit sharing......how much of a share do other employees get compared to you?

It's not a bad question in theory Kessler.

However when an employee takes the job, they know/accept the terms of their employment.

Its up to the employer to entice the employee to work harder to improve production/profits. More often than not its money that speaks. I've been in two jobs, same type of work, where one paid me a straight 18k a year with no bonuses/incentives and another 25k with bonuses/incentives. Guess which one I soon lost enthusiasm for and just went through the motions and which one I bust a gut for.