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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!)

TOPIC: Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!)

Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 05 Aug 2025 19:46 #1

thebadger
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Being of a certain age, I had cause recently to visit my GP.
"It's the waterworks, doctor", I explained.
" Yes", he replied, "needs a roof on it".

" No, I mean my waterworks. I'm experiencing difficulty taking a p1ss".
"You're obviously not John Nixon then", he quipped. "I'll need to examine your prostate. Take your trousers and underwear down and lie on the couch"
I thought, "He's a fast worker. Hasn't even bought me a drink yet"

Then came the sound every man dreads, the snapping of a rubber glove, followed by something unpleasant.

The upshot is my prostate is fine, my GP has a smile on his face, and when I told the wife of my ordeal she just said, "huh, try having a smear test".

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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 05 Aug 2025 19:54 #2

Gundog Offline Ball Boy Posts: 31 Likes received: 16	Camera up the arse is a bag of laughs!
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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 05 Aug 2025 20:14 #3

ParcelPete Offline Ball Boy Posts: 168 Likes received: 73	Camera down the throat is awful.
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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 05 Aug 2025 21:11 #4

kellsblue Offline Ball Boy Posts: 27 Likes received: 27	Gundog wrote: Camera up the arse is a bag of laughs! I've had the camera job - but weird how you could watch it on a TV right in front of you. The camera wasn't so bad, but that big furry microphone tickled a bit...
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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 05 Aug 2025 22:55 #5

SeepBladder Offline Ball Boy Posts: 14 Likes received: 7	The camera up the bum was an interesting experience but I didn't enjoy the self-administered enema beforehand
	Last Edit: 05 Aug 2025 22:56 by SeepBladder. The administrator has disabled public write access.

Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 00:10 #6

Armo
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Having had both, neither being knocked out............ SeepBladder has it spot on and that [censored] Moviprep is shocking. Honestly, anybody getting a camera up the jacksie - make sure you have a 12 pack of soft toilet roll, those wet wipes you get for the arse and an industrial size container of vaseline.

And yet, i'd have a colonoscopy seven days on the bounce rather than have the one down the throat again.

Last Edit: 06 Aug 2025 09:00 by Armo. Reason: gastroscopy/colonoscopy, not quite the same

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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 07:29 #7

Yatlowper Offline Ball Boy Posts: 6 Likes received: 2	A camera down the lungs isn't desperately pleasant - especially if you haven't been fully sedated. As a woman though I will say - stop twining...
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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 07:31 #8

Yatlowper Offline Ball Boy Posts: 6 Likes received: 2	kellsblue wrote: Gundog wrote: Camera up the arse is a bag of laughs! I've had the camera job - but weird how you could watch it on a TV right in front of you. The camera wasn't so bad, but that big furry microphone tickled a bit... I watched my bronchoscopy on the big screen.
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Re:Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 08:03 #9

loser Online Ball Boy Posts: 47 Likes received: 46	Tracheostomy with a tube right down into the lung. Was asleep when they did it but awake when the rived it out. Oh my f*cking word. For avoidance of doubt that's a hole in the bottom of your throat with a tube through it.
	Last Edit: 06 Aug 2025 08:05 by loser. The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re:Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 08:47 #10

Gundog
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Don't fancy the lung job or the tube down the Jap's eye!!!! had 2 down the throat - not nice and watched the TV as he lasso'd a non malignant polyp of my bowel wall, but yer man is right - forgot about the movie prep, that stuff is way more effective than ten pints of Guinness and a curry. Top tip for anyone about to undergo a bowel screening, after all is done they give you a 'nice cup of tea' don't take it - with an empty bowel it goes through you like a racing car - only just made it home!!!!

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Re:Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 10:03 #11

carwash
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I've had a virtual colonoscopy which although theoretically non-invasive, I found more uncomfortable than a regular colonoscopy probably because there is no sedation. You get carbon dioxide pumped up your arse to expand the colon before they do CT scans of your abdomen. Problem is afterwards all that gas has to come back out again. It's like eating Mexican refried beans before going on a long haul flight. You think the 'discomfort' will never end.

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Re:Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 13:46 #12

Wukkie Offline Ball Boy Posts: 191 Likes received: 86	I've had the colonoscopy and the endoscopy a few times unfortunately. As has been alluded too the stuff they send to clean you out is not too much fun. Fourteen times once,arse was red raw,too sore to even wipe properly. (Hope that's not too much detail). I don't want to EVER go back there again!
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Re:Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 15:03 #13

HuntingHorn
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As an ex-nurse let me tell you I genuinely used to feel really bad after giving people the prep...we used a preperation called "Fleet" which just tells your body to empty itself, you could just about watch people turn inside out one liquid explosion at a time!
Imagine the fun when one particularly dim Ward Manager decided she'd put the less mobile patients nearest the nurses station, yet furthest from the toilet...
Also, the tube down the old chap....turns out as a straight bloke it's really not an enjoyable experience hanging on to another guys rhubarb while you put a tube down there either, though I wouldn't wish water retention on my worst enemy!

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Invasive Medical Procedures (off topic!) 06 Aug 2025 19:03 #14

Zebby Offline Ball Boy Posts: 94 Likes received: 11	After a very enjoyable drunken evening with the Mrs a night of passion was ruined when during the proceedings she thought it would be fun to stick a finger up my wrong un...one involuntary head butt later it didn't seem such a good idea and thankfully she not tried again.... That's the only invasive procedure I want thank you...
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