FAO Mr Lapping

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25 Jul 2019 20:25 #1 by Ibogaine
FAO Mr Lapping was created by Ibogaine
Boss,

Sorry, there was a message for you at the office but I forgot to pass it on before you left.

Was something along the lines of "Sell! Sell! Sell! Quick! Before the markets close!!!"

Chap sounded quite agitated... Probably nothing, but thought I'd pass it on anyway. See you at the office tomorrow.

Assistant Ibo

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26 Jul 2019 06:18 #2 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Lads,

Pains me to say it, but he's lost the bloody lot :pinch: Turns out my unilateral decision to invest all his life savings in Straits of Hormuz Shipping Ltd wasn't the smart move I thought it was :pinch: The news is all the more painful given that Mr Lapping had almost finished saved up enough to finally buy the club! :pinch:

But its not all dooms and glooms. Spoke to him this morning and he said he is looking forward to a the Universal Credits life of luxury he's read so much about in his papers of choice. :)

Auction of his trinkets to follow...

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26 Jul 2019 09:27 #3 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
As John Cooper Clarke has just noted on Desert Island Discs..

‘If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem’

Think about it

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26 Jul 2019 10:33 - 26 Jul 2019 10:35 #4 by Taffy-P
Replied by Taffy-P on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Laffy wrote: As John Cooper Clarke has just noted on Desert Island Discs..

‘If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem’

Think about it

You should try some of the luxury he is taking to his island as you’re a Conservative
Last edit: 26 Jul 2019 10:35 by Taffy-P.

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26 Jul 2019 13:51 #5 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
So is Carlisle last time I looked-you are in the minority.Have a look at what Labour have done for Carlisle in the last 30 years!!

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26 Jul 2019 14:15 #6 by Zombie_Dave
Replied by Zombie_Dave on topic FAO Mr Lapping
What's going to happen to the tapir sanctuary Ibo', please tell me it's still safe?

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27 Jul 2019 06:20 #7 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Tapirs - sold
Tapir grooming bay - sold
Frankincense - sold
Myrrh - sold
Diamond encrusted blunderbuss - sold
The very best pro-Thatcherite quotes of John Cooper Clarke (vol. 1, 2 and 3) - sold
Really posh yacht - sold
Bronze Bully Trophy - sold
George Oghani’s ironing board - sold
Moat- sold
Chaka Demus and Pliers gold record - sold
Holy Thorn Reliquary - sold
Garmin hat - NOT SOLD!

Never let it be said that Official Receivers do not have a heart of gold. They let him keep the iconic hat. Top work lads

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27 Jul 2019 13:37 #8 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Looks like EBay for the collection of Garmin hats then-lock the doors and start the bidding

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27 Jul 2019 21:46 #9 by Mush
Replied by Mush on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Ibogaine wrote: Tapirs - sold
Tapir grooming bay - sold
Frankincense - sold
Myrrh - sold
Diamond encrusted blunderbuss - sold
The very best pro-Thatcherite quotes of John Cooper Clarke (vol. 1, 2 and 3) - sold
Really posh yacht - sold
Bronze Bully Trophy - sold
George Oghani’s ironing board - sold
Moat- sold
Chaka Demus and Pliers gold record - sold
Holy Thorn Reliquary - sold
Garmin hat - NOT SOLD!

Never let it be said that Official Receivers do not have a heart of gold. They let him keep the iconic hat. Top work lads


:-)

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28 Jul 2019 17:37 - 28 Jul 2019 17:38 #10 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Few of you have been sending over messages of concern about Lappz.

Can confirm: no need for any concern. The Universal Credit application is in and to celebrate we've been down LazerQuest with the Ladysmith Black Mambazo lads :cool:

Great time had by all :)

File Attachment:


Had a good singalong afterwards too



Baba baba wami (umm-hmmm)

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Last edit: 28 Jul 2019 17:38 by Ibogaine.
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28 Jul 2019 17:52 #11 by Moylesey
Replied by Moylesey on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Tune!

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28 Jul 2019 18:26 #12 by Mush
Replied by Mush on topic FAO Mr Lapping
I'm pleased he kept the hat, he wouldn't be the same without it.

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01 Aug 2019 21:48 #13 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Been down the old food bank for the first time today lads (UniCreds app is taking flippin ages). Turns out they have nowt but shite down there. No quails eggs! No grouse fillets! No Chow Mein Flavour Pot Noodles! Asked if they had owt special round the back for former wealth creators but no! Joke.

Decided to hold a impromptu food bank donation before the Crawley game in that alley usually full of dogshit. PREMIUM FOODS ONLY please. *****Waitrose essentials minimum standard****

Had a word with the Altern8 lads who felt that such treatment was so inappropri8 and unfortun8 that they were motiv8td to help out and will be joining us..

Hopefully see you all Saturday


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01 Aug 2019 22:00 #14 by CCU
Replied by CCU on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Hopefully the team can run out to this on Sat...


Win or Lose, Up The Blues!

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01 Aug 2019 22:53 #15 by Mush
Replied by Mush on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Ibogaine wrote: Been down the old food bank for the first time today lads (UniCreds app is taking flippin ages). Turns out they have nowt but shite down there. No quails eggs! No grouse fillets! No Chow Mein Flavour Pot Noodles! Asked if they had owt special round the back for former wealth creators but no! Joke.

Decided to hold a impromptu food bank donation before the Crawley game in that alley usually full of dogshit. PREMIUM FOODS ONLY please. *****Waitrose essentials minimum standard****

Had a word with the Altern8 lads who felt that such treatment was so inappropri8 and unfortun8 that they were motiv8td to help out and will be joining us..

Hopefully see you all Saturday


Fantastic! :-)

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02 Aug 2019 00:19 #16 by High Street
Replied by High Street on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Whoa. Who the hell likes Chow Mein Pot noodles?

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02 Aug 2019 00:36 #17 by munchymagic
Replied by munchymagic on topic FAO Mr Lapping

High Street wrote: Whoa. Who the hell likes Chow Mein Pot noodles?



That would make a cracking thread on its own, including a vote....

(Chicken And Mushroom would win)

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02 Aug 2019 01:10 #18 by High Street
Replied by High Street on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Bleurgh. They’re the dried sperm of Satan.

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02 Aug 2019 01:13 #19 by munchymagic
Replied by munchymagic on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Possibly the Peri Peri ones I imagine.

Bombay Bad Boy is very nice though.

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02 Aug 2019 06:24 #20 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping

CCU wrote: Hopefully the team can run out to this on Sat...


That would be fantastic in my opinion, but no way the horseman would allow it given their openly pro-lapping stance. Also not sure if it would find favour with the famously discerning Avant-Garde tastes of the Paddock.

My choice for a real crowd pleaser would be Musique Non-Stop. Just imagine the atmosphere building as the Paddock belt out the Boing Boom Tschaks and the WRE chip in with the Pengs and Zongs



No way the shortsighted horsemen would ever go for it though

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02 Aug 2019 06:55 #21 by I love jamesphillips
Replied by I love jamesphillips on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Ibogaine wrote:

CCU wrote: Hopefully the team can run out to this on Sat...


That would be fantastic in my opinion, but no way the horseman would allow it given their openly pro-lapping stance. Also not sure if it would find favour with the famously discerning Avant-Garde tastes of the Paddock.

My choice for a real crowd pleaser would be Musique Non-Stop. Just imagine the atmosphere building as the Paddock belt out the Boing Boom Tschaks and the WRE chip in with the Pengs and Zongs



No way the shortsighted horsemen would ever go for it though




Ffs

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02 Aug 2019 17:22 - 02 Aug 2019 17:23 #22 by Wukkie
Replied by Wukkie on topic FAO Mr Lapping
I hope they don't ever play any of that sh8 at BP but they really need to be banging out Bob Marley's Three Little Birds from the first game as it would definitely be appropriate.
Last edit: 02 Aug 2019 17:23 by Wukkie.
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02 Aug 2019 18:01 #23 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
It was going to be Shadowplay by Joy Division coming out with something a bit more reflective at hometime depending on the result.Maybe Heaven by the Cure for a win

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03 Aug 2019 15:00 #24 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
A few people have been on asking if Sir L will miss today's game due to his recent penury

I can neither confirm or deny if Sir L is in attendance...

But the eagled-eyed amongst you might want to take a closer look at this photo, just taken, of Kay Jay from Jambroquay and his latest custom built big hat ;)



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03 Aug 2019 15:47 #25 by empty
Replied by empty on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Bloody Hell...Peps in the crowd too. Must be targeting a multi-billion pound centre forward!!

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04 Aug 2019 11:15 #26 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
There was a guy in front of us in the stand wearing a woolly hat-too hot mate!!

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04 Aug 2019 12:44 - 04 Aug 2019 12:46 #27 by seesaw50
Replied by seesaw50 on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?

To have been born Cumbrian
is to have won the lottery of life !

Last edit: 04 Aug 2019 12:46 by seesaw50.

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04 Aug 2019 13:11 #28 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
I’m thinking of giving the Trust my last £750k to take a stake in the Club, bankrupting my estate, and making sure by doing so that the Club is stuck in a never ending holding pattern-that will be my legacy.

Why was the paddock at the Warwick Road end out of action?Seemed odd that everyone was crammed into the middle on a hot day.

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04 Aug 2019 13:24 #29 by seesaw50
Replied by seesaw50 on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Roof works I think.....cheaper than issuing 500 hard hats...just a thought

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04 Aug 2019 13:32 #30 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Made for a better sing song in the Paddock.

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04 Aug 2019 17:06 #31 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping

seesaw50 wrote: Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?


Fake news Im afraid.

The two of them have had a major beef going on for years now, due to our man favouring Hawick tweed over Eubo's beloved Harris.

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04 Aug 2019 17:20 #32 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
I’m a Dubarry man old boy

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04 Aug 2019 17:28 #33 by seesaw50
Replied by seesaw50 on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Ibogaine wrote:

seesaw50 wrote: Ibo.... have just heard a rumour that Sir Lapping has reluctantly put his Sirhood on Ebay as well .after offering it to Lord Chris Ewbank at a knock down price for the boy. He gave him the knock back owing to the fact he's not in a financially good place either allegedly...no fights imminent!
Is there any truth in this lad?


Fake news Im afraid.

The two of them have had a major beef going on for years now, due to our man favouring Hawick tweed over Eubo's beloved Harris.


I did think it was far fetched.... how would Sir Lapping even know where to contact the fighting man....he could be anywhere....but he does have contacts in high places it seems from his pretty regular name dropping on this platform.

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04 Aug 2019 17:31 #34 by seesaw50
Replied by seesaw50 on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Laffy wrote: I’m a Dubarry man old boy


That's a bit Irish !!

To have been born Cumbrian
is to have won the lottery of life !

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04 Aug 2019 17:35 #35 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
I find it avoids chaffing

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04 Aug 2019 17:56 #36 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Lovely scenes after yesterday's game.

Nice to see that our overlords are not just excellent football club administrators but are also all round bloody good guys :)

Bygones are officially bygones. And now not even Stevey P can say you don't have a pot...



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04 Aug 2019 18:04 #37 by ParcelPete
Replied by ParcelPete on topic FAO Mr Lapping
George Oghani shagged your wife.
Classic.

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06 Aug 2019 15:35 #38 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Lads,

Just received some shocking.

Kenny Toal got in touch to say that he’d heard that Lord Lapp has had to sell his hat at auction! And it was in such a state that all he got for it was £1!

More to follow...

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06 Aug 2019 17:31 #39 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Not me-I left the country yesterday and now in Pune in India.I have to say it makes you appreciate what you have when you see the way of life over here.

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06 Aug 2019 18:27 #40 by Ibogaine
Replied by Ibogaine on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Its a HOLY MIRACLE!

Once our footballing betters heard about Lappo's hat sale windfall they immediately got on the next plane out.

Turns out that, as Mr L (a) had a quid and (b) was not able to invest a penny more HE NOW MEETS THE FIT AND PROPER CUSTODIAN TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!



All signed and sealed. He's now part of the DREAM TEAM and a club owner at last! A lifetime ambition finally realised :)

WELL DONE BOSS! If only you'd done it this way first time around it would've saved a lot of silly bother....

Ibo

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06 Aug 2019 19:13 #41 by munchymagic
Replied by munchymagic on topic FAO Mr Lapping
No chance of buying something that wasn't for sale really.

My view is that even if even if Laffy had offered double up front then they would have still pulled out as they had got a bit of football fortune and they believed that KC could have taken us up the leagues.

I sound like David Holdsworth now - because of Keith Curle we didn't get promoted, bombed Laffy off and invented a Billionaire as we put all our eggs in one basket.

Booooo…...
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06 Aug 2019 23:14 - 06 Aug 2019 23:15 #42 by Dentonblue
Replied by Dentonblue on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Oioi
Last edit: 06 Aug 2019 23:15 by Dentonblue.

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06 Aug 2019 23:17 #43 by Dentonblue
Replied by Dentonblue on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Laffy wrote: It was going to be Shadowplay by Joy Division coming out with something a bit more reflective at hometime depending on the result.Maybe Heaven by the Cure for a win


Steps up in an attempt to display his musical knowledge, and gets the name of the song wrong, for the loss.

What. A. Shan.

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07 Aug 2019 05:04 #44 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
As I said, having every word over is just grief.I can see why the Custodians are so shy and reserved

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07 Aug 2019 05:38 - 07 Aug 2019 06:53 #45 by Kessler
Replied by Kessler on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Laffy wrote: Not me-I left the country yesterday and now in Pune in India.I have to say it makes you appreciate what you have when you see the way of life over here.


Do you pay for all your employees to travel around as much as you do Laffy? You say you support profit sharing schemes but if you can afford a lifestyle that most of your staff can't, are they really getting a fair share of the profits?
Last edit: 07 Aug 2019 06:53 by Kessler.

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07 Aug 2019 07:27 #46 by Laffy
Replied by Laffy on topic FAO Mr Lapping
You seriously don’t believe that question Kessler.

I’m in India with our CTO and CEO to open up an Indian market for the group-not on a beach in Goa!
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07 Aug 2019 07:50 #47 by carwash
Replied by carwash on topic FAO Mr Lapping
Laffy, I see you've taken some Cumbrian weather with you to Pune. They reckon the river could burst its banks in the next couple of days with the monsoon rains. Have fun!

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07 Aug 2019 09:46 #48 by CCU
Replied by CCU on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Kessler wrote:

Laffy wrote: Not me-I left the country yesterday and now in Pune in India.I have to say it makes you appreciate what you have when you see the way of life over here.


Do you pay for all your employees to travel around as much as you do Laffy? You say you support profit sharing schemes but if you can afford a lifestyle that most of your staff can't, are they really getting a fair share of the profits?


That’s some edit from the original question...

Win or Lose, Up The Blues!

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07 Aug 2019 10:58 - 07 Aug 2019 10:59 #49 by Kessler
Replied by Kessler on topic FAO Mr Lapping

Laffy wrote: You seriously don’t believe that question Kessler.

I’m in India with our CTO and CEO to open up an Indian market for the group-not on a beach in Goa!


Ok. But in general do all your employees get roughly the same amount of money that you do? It's just that you claim to support profit sharing......how much of a share do other employees get compared to you?
Last edit: 07 Aug 2019 10:59 by Kessler.

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07 Aug 2019 11:08 #50 by Mullen103
Replied by Mullen103 on topic FAO Mr Lapping
It's not a bad question in theory Kessler.

However when an employee takes the job, they know/accept the terms of their employment.

Its up to the employer to entice the employee to work harder to improve production/profits. More often than not its money that speaks. I've been in two jobs, same type of work, where one paid me a straight 18k a year with no bonuses/incentives and another 25k with bonuses/incentives. Guess which one I soon lost enthusiasm for and just went through the motions and which one I bust a gut for.

At least we’re not Stockport

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